Monster

New Moon - Part 2 - rewritten from Jacob's perspective

← Chapter 7: Secret      Chapter 9: Understanding →

Chapter 8: Misunderstanding

I was out like a light that night, falling asleep almost instantaneously. The drama of the day had drained me entirely. I slept until late next morning when the sunshine coming through the window finally penetrated my fog. I stumbled into the shower half-asleep and was marginally more awake afterwards when I stumbled into the kitchen in search of food.

Billy was sitting at the kitchen table with the paper. He nodded towards the stove where some scrambled eggs and bacon were cooling in the skillet. I threw some bread into the toaster and scarfed down the eggs directly from the pan while I waited. The toaster finally dinged and I barely bothered to slather on some jam before shoveling it into my mouth. I was ravenous these days. I could eat my body-weight in food and still feel hungry.

I felt Billy’s eyes on me while I ate, but I didn’t acknowledge him. I didn’t want to deal just yet. When I finally finished all the foot – putting the empty skillet into the sink to soak – I finally looked over at him as I stretched lazily, my brain still foggy from sleep. Billy’s face was calm and controlled, but his eyes were dark.

“Someone came by to see you this morning while you were asleep.”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Sam would have said if it was important enough to wake me –“

“- It wasn’t Sam,” Billy cut me off sharply.

“Okay,” I said slowly. “So who was it?”

For a second there, I thought Billy wasn’t going to tell me. He sighed heavily before he spoke. “Bella came by just after dawn this morning. She was anxious to see you.”

I straightened up abruptly, all traces of the morning sleepiness gone. I was hyper-alert as I stared him down, trying to read between the lines for some answer as to how Bella had acted or behaved.

“She wanted to see you urgently.” Billy continued, “She said that she ‘understood now.’” Billy raised his hands to make quotation marks. “But I didn’t want to wake you. And so she left.”

I stood up immediately, turning to head out the door. Bella had figured it out! And she still wanted to see me! I could barely contain the heady wave of relief.

“Jake, wait!” Billy called just as I was about to step out the door. I turned towards him reluctantly. “Are you sure about what you’re doing?”

“Yes,” I replied emphatically without breaking eye contact.

“Jake,” he said again louder and more demanding this time. “Are you sure? I know you. And I know that you could never live with yourself if you hurt her. I know you’re good at controlling …”

“Dad, I know,” I said trying hard not to let my own fear show through. “I know, but I need to do this.”

Billy and I stared at each other for a long time. “Okay.” Billy looked away as he picked up his paper again. “She’s waiting for you by First Beach.”

I nodded as I headed out the door. I took off into the forest at full-speed. It would have been faster if I phased, but I didn’t want to share what had happened just yet. I needed to know how Bella felt before I dealt with Sam and the others.

I ran through the forest hugging the shoreline. It was the perfect spring morning. The sun was shining brightly – or as brightly as it did here in La Push through the hazy mist. But off in the distance, I could see the inevitable clouds gathering over the water. They would roll in soon enough and we would be lucky if the rain held off until after lunch.

I knew exactly where to find Bella. She was at the white driftwood log where we had talked that first fateful day. She was facing away from me, staring off into the distance at the incoming clouds.

“Hi Bella.”

She jumped at the sound of my voice. She clearly hadn’t heard me coming. She turned quickly and blanched at the sight of me. I didn’t know what to make of her reaction so I kept my distance, shifting my weight from foot to foot anxiously.

“Jake?”

"Billy told me you came by–didn't take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out,” I smiled warmly but tentatively.

"Yeah, I remember the right story now," she whispered, her eyes wary and guarded. We were quiet for a long time. I watched as she avoided my gaze, looking anywhere but at me. She didn’t make a move to come closer to me and she had her arms wrapped around her, as if to shield herself from me.

I felt the smile slide off my face. Something was off here. I thought that by coming here, it meant that she was okay with the truth. But clearly that wasn’t the case. The pain of her rejection shot through me, white hot in its intensity. “You could have just called,” I said harshly, unable to keep the anger out of my voice.

She nodded still avoiding my eyes. "I know."

I turned away from her and started pacing. I had to move or else I would lose it. “Why did you come?,” I demanded without breaking my stride.

"I thought it would be better face-to-face."

I snorted. "Oh, much better."

"Jacob, I have to warn you that Charlie –"

"About the rangers and the hunters? Don't worry about it. We already know,” I scoffed.

"Don't worry about it?" she demanded in disbelief. "Jake, they've got guns! They're setting traps and offering rewards and–"

"We can take care of ourselves," I dismissed, still pacing. "They're not going to catch anything. They're only making it more difficult–they'll start disappearing soon enough, too."

"Jake!" Bella’s voice was strained.

"What? It's just a fact."

"How can you… feel that way? You know these people. Charlie's out there!"

What the heck was she talking about? I came to an abrupt stop and turned to take a closer look at her. Bella was angry – no doubt about that – but she also looked …. disgusted. That was the last straw. I felt my blood pressure spike and I had to clench my hands tightly to clamp down on the prickly heat racing through my veins.

I couldn’t believe how this was turning out. I thought that she – of all people – would be okay with what I am. She had accepted a vampire. No, she had more than accepted him. She had loved him. She had given up everything for him. A bloodsucking leech who had killed hundreds of people. So what if he was non-practicing now. He and his family had killed in the past and they would kill again. It was in their nature.

And yet, she thought that I was the monster. She looked at me with fear and disgust barely disguised in her eyes. I felt my eyes begin to smart with tears of betrayal and anger. All of this time, the one thing that had kept me going throughout this nightmare was the belief that Bella would be stand by – if she knew. That she would understand. To have that dream snatched away was like being pushed head-first off a cliff into ice-cold water.

Moving towards her suddenly, unable to control myself, I retorted angrily, “"What more can we do?"

"Could you… well, try to not be a… werewolf?" she said softly but firmly, her eyes wide with fear but she wasn’t going to back down.

I threw my hands up in the air in disgust. “Like I have a choice about it!" I shouted. "And how would that help anything, if you're worried about people disappearing?"

"I don't understand you."

I glared at her, my mouth twisting in anger as I took a step forward. "You know what makes me so mad I could just spit?" She flinched away from me again which only just made me angrier. "You're such a hypocrite, Bella–there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?"

"Hypocrite? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?"

“Ugh!” My hands shook with anger. I could feel the red haze beginning to take over. I pressed my firsts to my temples and squeezed my eyes shut. I counted to ten while I took deep measured breaths and forced myself to calm down. I would not hurt Bella, no matter how much she was hurting me.

"Would you listen to yourself?" Bella said suddenly. She took a few steps forward to confront me.

"What?" I looked up suddenly, losing the precious ground that I had gained over my rage. The fiery red heat broke through my defenses and spiraled through my body again. I took two steps towards her. "Well, I'm so sorry that I can't be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?"

Bella didn’t back down. She stepped towards me and shouted back, "No, you're not! It's not what you are, stupid, it's what you do!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I roared, barely holding on, my entire body quivering with rage.

Sensing my lack of control, Bella took a half-step back. But then, she shook her head resolutely and stepped forward again, but she was more composed now. And her voice was soft and even.

"Jacob," she pleaded. "Is it really necessary to kill people, Jacob? Isn't there some other way? I mean, if vampires can find a way to survive without murdering people, couldn't you give it a try, too?"

An electric shock went through me. What the heck did she just say?

“Killing people?” I repeated, unsure I had heard her correctly.

"What did you think we were talking about?"

Was it possible? Did she misunderstand? The red haze dissipated almost immediately as I allowed myself to hope again. "I thought we were talking about your disgust for werewolves."

"No, Jake, no. It's not that you're a… wolf. That's fine," she said matter-of-factly. "If you could just find a way not to hurt people… that's all that upsets me. These are innocent people, Jake, people like Charlie, and I can't just look the other way while you–"

"Is that all? Really?" I interrupted her, a smile breaking across my face. She didn’t hate me. She was okay with what I was. She just misunderstood what was going on. "You're just scared because I'm a murderer? That's the only reason?"

"Isn't that reason enough?"

My knees almost buckled with relief as I started to laugh.

"Jacob Black, this is so not funny!"

"Sure, sure," I agreed but I couldn’t stop. Thank God. Thank God. I walked towards her and caught her in a tight bear hug. "You really, honestly don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?"

"No," she gasped. "Can't–breathe–Jake!"

I let her go, but took both her hands instead as I looked deep into her eyes. "I'm not a killer, Bella."

She studied my face skeptically at first, but then she seemed to collapse in relief against me. "Really?"

"Really," I promised solemnly.

This time, she threw her arms around me in a tight bear-hug. I was thrown off-guard for a moment, just like I was the first time she hugged me that day with the motorcycles. But I wasn’t going to complain. It was turning out to be a perfect morning. Even though I could see the clouds in the distance, it was still bright and warm on the beach right now. I buried my nose into her hair and inhaled the fresh strawberry scent. I smiled as I remembered last night and my fear that it would be our last meeting.

"Sorry I called you a hypocrite," I murmured softly into her ear as I wound my hands in her hair, playing softly with the silky strands.

"Sorry I called you a murderer,” she replied, her voice slightly muffled against my chest.

I laughed and I could feel her chuckling in response. We stood there with our arms wrapped around each other and for that one moment, everything was right with the world.

← Chapter 7: Secret      Chapter 9: Understanding →

About Me

I'm a Twilight fan who believes that Jacob Black is better for Bella than Edward, so I wrote these Team Jacob fanfiction stories to try to convert as many people to my side as possible. :)

I've tried to stay as faithful to the original books as possible up through At the Cliffs, which is when I break off from canon and write out Eclipse the way I wish it had happened!

So ... what do you think? Good? Bad? Ideas for other stories?

Please let me know!

Jane

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