Monster

New Moon - Part 2 - rewritten from Jacob's perspective

← Chapter 5: Truth      Chapter 7: Secret →

Chapter 6: Intruder

I didn’t want to think. And mostly, I didn’t want to feel. And so I kept running. Letting the repetitive motion of placing one foot in front of the next drown out any thoughts, any emotions, and any tears. But it didn’t help. It also didn’t help that there was no damn privacy as a wolf. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t completely tune out the rest of the pack. Their voices infiltrated my head like a crappy radio station that I couldn’t turn off.

Not sure what he sees in her … she’s kinda pale and skinny AND she kisses leeches ...”

“Shut up, Paul. Leave him alone.”

“Oooh, I’m scared, Call. I guess Black needs you to fight his battles for him, huh?”

“Shove it, you two!”

“Hey man, whose side are you on, Jared?”

“Yours, but Sam won’t be happy if he hears you guys talking like this.”

“Who died and made you BETA, huh?”

“Well I was the second one to phase, so I’m the obvious choice.”

“No way. I’m bigger and stronger, I should totally be the BETA.”

“Right. But you’re also dumb as a box of rocks, so that counts against you.”

“Shut up, Embry.”

“Make me, Meraz.”

“Don’t tempt me!”

“Hey guys , I think I smell Emily’s blueberry muffins!”

“Sw-eet! Eat my dirt, Call!”

Did I mention that you really don’t ever want to hear people’s inner thoughts? Trust me. Listening to that for hours on end was enough to make you want to shoot myself. Thank God for Emily’s blueberry muffins.

I felt the other wolves phase back as they reached Emily’s house and suddenly, my mind was my own again. No buzzing of other voices running like non-stop shock-jock commentary in the back of the mind. No constant self-editing so that I wouldn’t give too away about how I was feeling. Weak with relief and exhaustion, I stopped running and slumped down in a grassy knoll to think.

Even though I had been calling myself a monster for weeks, today was the first day that I truly felt like one. I couldn’t stop replaying the memory of Bella from this afternoon, her eyes wet with tears and dull with pain, pain that I caused as I broke my promise to her. Just like that bloodsucker. I was no better than he was.

“But I am better!” I argued to myself. I didn’t have a choice! I didn’t want to hurt her. Saying all those things this afternoon hurt me as much as they hurt her. I had to fight every instinct and every natural reaction in order to force myself to say the things that would keep her safe.

In some ways, it was good that Sam had ordered me not to tell her. I didn’t know if I would have been strong enough otherwise to do the right thing. I didn’t want to do to Bella what Sam did to Emily. But I wondered if I didn’t scar Bella today just as much as Sam had scarred Emily. It was just a different type of scar.

Lost in my thoughts, the evening turned into night. I felt the wind pick up, a sure sign that a serious storm was about to roll in. I got up reluctantly and began to head home. A cold light drizzle began to come down, so I quickened my steps and broke into a full-out sprint.

Just as I arrived home, I felt the others start to phase back in time for the night patrol. I was supposed to work tonight, but I figured that Sam would cut me some slack just this once. I phased immediately, not wanting to give up the peace and quiet of my mind just yet. But as I reached the back door, I saw Billy reading in the kitchen, waiting up for me.

I wasn’t ready to talk. Not yet. And so I snuck around the side of the house into the garage, where I grabbed the Harley Sprint and walked it halfway down the street, before revving the engine and taking off into the night.

Biking was really the closest equivalent to what running as a wolf felt like. The coolness of the night air combined with freshness of the misting rain was soothing. I hopped onto the 101 without thinking about where I was going. But I wasn’t surprised when I found myself pulling up to Bella’s street ten minutes later.

I cut the engine as soon as I pulled onto her street to avoid waking the neighbors and I sat on the bike for what felt like hours - debating, rationalizing, trying to justify what I was about to do.

I just wanted to see her, I told myself. To make sure she was okay. After all, Sam didn’t technically forbid me to see her. He just said that I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t stand knowing that I hurt her. I just had to try to do something – anything – to make her feel better. It would be so much easier if she just knew the truth. That all of this really had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. It was stupid for her to be suffering when there was no real reason for it. In fact, once she found out the truth, she might not want to hang out with me anymore. The thought pained me. But it was better than knowing that she was in pain.

Suddenly, like the proverbial lightening bolt, I realized that Bella already knew the truth. She just didn’t know that it was true. That day at the beach, I had told her all of our legends. Including the ones about werewolves. It was ingenious. She already knew what had happened - I just needed to push her in the right direction so that she would realize it.

Buoyed by my plan, I left the Harley Sprint hidden in the trees and jogged the rest of the way to her house. The lights were out, which made sense since it was probably close to midnight. But I knew that Bella’s room faced the front while Charlie’s room faced the back. A large spruce tree stood in the front yard, large enough to reach the second floor, but still young enough that its lowest branches were still reachable.

Gripping the bottom branch, I swung myself up easily. I hadn’t climbed a tree since I was about 10, but this wolf thing had its perks. I pulled myself up to the second floor without breaking a sweat and peered into Bella’s dark bedroom. I could barely make out Bella, a tiny bump under a gigantic purple quilt. I chuckled quietly as I leaned over and tapped softly on the window.

I saw her stir slightly in her sleep, so I leaned over again – pulling the spruce tree towards the house with all my weight – and tapped again.

“Bella! Bella!” I whispered loudly praying that Charlie wouldn’t catch me.

Suddenly, I felt the spruce branch I was holding onto buckling under my weight. I quickly swung to another branch, but not before the original branch snapped and giving me a nasty cut down the entire length of my arm. It was a good thing werewolves healed fast.

"Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OUCH!"

I heard the sound of Bella getting out of bed and rushing to the window. Just as I pulled myself level to the window again, it flew open – almost smashing me in the face.

“Jacob, what are you doing?” Bella gasped, her eyes wide with shock and worry.

“I’m trying to keep-” I huffed as the new branch began to buckle under my weight and I had to quickly switch branches again. I was beginning to feel like George of the Jungle here. “-my promise!”

“Are you crazy? When did you ever promise to kill yourself by falling out of my tree?” she hissed at me, more awake now.

I snorted as I swung my legs around to improve my balance. “Get out of the way!”

“What?”

“Get out of the way!”

"No, Jake!" Bella protested. But she moved just in time, as I swung my legs, pushed off of the tree trunk, and catapulted myself neatly – and softly with a low thud - into her room.

We both stood there for a moment as we stared at the door, dreading the sound of Charlie’s footsteps. But a few moments passed and then we heard the distinct sound of Charlie still snoring away blissfully.

I grinned. Not bad. Not bad. Having wolf senses was finally paying off. At least there were a few good perks about being half-wolf half-man.

But then I looked at Bella and I stopped smiling. Her skin was blotchy. Her eyes were dull. And her nose was red – she had clearly cried herself to sleep. She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself as she often did when she was hurting, and tried to stare me down. But I could see the cracks in her bravado, the trembling of her hands, the glassiness in her eyes, and the tense tilt to her chin. This is why I had come here. Bella was hurt. And I was good at making her happy. Except, of course, this time, I was the one who had hurt her.

← Chapter 5: Truth      Chapter 7: Secret →

About Me

I'm a Twilight fan who believes that Jacob Black is better for Bella than Edward, so I wrote these Team Jacob fanfiction stories to try to convert as many people to my side as possible. :)

I've tried to stay as faithful to the original books as possible up through At the Cliffs, which is when I break off from canon and write out Eclipse the way I wish it had happened!

So ... what do you think? Good? Bad? Ideas for other stories?

Please let me know!

Jane

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