At the Cliffs

My take on New Moon / Eclipse - written from Bella's perspective

← Chapter 28: Revelation      Chapter 30: Girl Talk - Part Two →

Chapter 29: Girl Talk

I made the move to push past Edward to get to the door, but he sidestepped me, with a resolute face.

“Bella, I can’t let you go to La Push without one of us to protect you. The werewolves are too dangerous for you to be around.”

I stared at him in disbelief, unsure of what I was hearing. “They’re my friends. They won’t hurt me. I’ve been around them for months and nothing happened!”

He frowned, but he didn’t move. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Bella. The werewolves really are dangerous.”

“It’s not just Jake. I need to see my friends. They put their lives on the line for me. I need to see that they’re okay.”

“Please, Bella. I’m just looking out for your welfare,” he insisted, his golden eyes warm and pleading. For a moment, the power of his gaze and his voice, seemed to weaken me. I remembered how I used to be powerless to resist him and anything he wanted. But I wasn’t that girl anymore.

“Edward,” I said slowly but emphatically. “I need to see Jake. I need to see my friends. Please don’t stand in my way.”

“I’ll come with you then,” he replied as he turned to open the door.

“I don’t need a bodyguard. Plus, you’re not allowed at La Push,” I replied with a frustrated sigh. “Is this what I was like when we were together? Letting you tell me what I can and can’t do, who I can and can’t be friends with?”

Edward flinched at my accusation and he held himself stiffly as he responded, “You used to trust my judgment.”

“I trust mines more now. Please let me go,” I said calmly, feeling myself standing up straighter as I tilted my face to look him squarely in the eye.

For a moment, I thought he wouldn’t let me pass. Then he stepped away from the door with a resigned sigh. “Carlisle is there. I’ll call him and tell him to stay for as long as you’re there.”

I rolled my eyes as I passed him on my way out the door. I couldn’t believe this. Had he always been this controlling? This possessive? I didn’t remember that. But then again, I don’t know if I would have thought those were bad things back then.

As I walked down the hall, I recognized that I had been in the Cullen’s guest bedroom. I was walking down the stairs when I realized that Edward was following silently behind me. He noticed me glance back at him.

“I’ll drive you over.”

“I can drive myself,” I said as I threw my hands up in exasperation.

“I’ll drive her,” Alice’s clear bell-like voice chimed in. She appeared suddenly at the bottom of the stairs, flanked by Jasper. I tensed unexpectedly at the sight of him. Here in the Cullen’s house, I couldn’t help remembering the last time I was here, when he attacked me. He seemed to realize that I was feeling agitated because I could feel him trying to exert his soothing power to calm me down. It infuriated me that it was working.

“I’ll go too,” Rosalie said, suddenly appearing next to Alice. I looked at her in shock. I wasn’t exactly Rosalie’s favorite person.

It didn’t seem possible that Rosalie had been involved in a fight to the death that morning. Her golden beauty was immaculate, every hair in place, her makeup perfect, her clothes pressed. Even though she was offering to come, she was looking at me like I was something she found on the bottom of her shoe.

“Fine,” Edward said. “You can take her as far as the border. I’ll call Carlisle to tell him that you guys are going.”

The girls nodded as they headed towards the garage. I made a move to follow them, when Edward put his hand on my shoulder.

“Bella, please. Just think about what I said. I love you. I want you to be happy. And I know I could make you happy.”

For a moment, I was mesmerized again by the sincerity and intensity of his eyes. The eyes that I once thought reflected everything that was in me. Eyes that were now looked at me with pain and profound sadness. My heart wrenched. Was I really going to do this? Was this really what I wanted?

Before I could speak, he stepped away with a half smile and worried eyes. I got into the car and looked back as we drove away, watching him until I couldn’t see him anymore, my cheeks wet with tears.

“So … it sounds like you won’t be joining us,” Rosalie said suddenly, breaking the silence in the car, as Alice pulled out onto the main road.

I looked up at her and caught her eyes in the rearview mirror. They were so like Edward’s golden eyes that it made my heart wrench again.

“Behave, Rosalie,” Alice chimed in as she glanced up at me, her eyes warm with concern but with a hint of sadness.

“It’s okay,” I said with a soft smile back at her in the mirror. In the tumult of seeing Edward again, I had forgotten how happy I was to see Alice too. And even Rosalie. I had loved being a part of their large loving family. “I’m glad I got to see you guys again. I didn’t think you’d ever return.”

“Well that was the plan until Victoria got involved,” Rosalie replied dismissively. Then she turned in her seat to fix her gaze directly at me. “Don’t think that I’m criticizing you. I think you’re making the right choice. For once.”

“I haven’t made a choice yet,” I replied automatically even though I knew it was a lie.

“Yes, you have,” Alice said sadly, as she glanced at me again in the mirror.

I looked away then, unable to meet the pained eyes of my good friend. “You can see my future?”

“More importantly, I can’t see your future,” Alice replied keeping her eyes straight on the road ahead of her. She was driving at a normal speed, in no rush to deliver me to the pack.

“I see,” I replied with a quirk of my lips. I took a deep breath before continuing, “I’m sorry, Alice. And Rosalie. I really am. I just … I can’t … not anymore …”

“You should never have been forced to make the decision in the first place,” Rosalie replied coolly. “You never belonged in our world.” Seeing me flinch in response, she rolled her eyes as she continued, “I didn’t mean it that way. Edward should never have … brought you into our world. It did nothing but bring your danger and heartbreak. That’s all it has ever brought to any of us.”

Rosalie’s beautiful eyes glittered with the pent-up anger and frustration that I used to think was directed specifically at me, but I realized for the first time, that it was actually directed at her fate in life.

“You aren’t happy with your life?” I asked tentatively, glancing at Alice for approval, but Alice stared ahead resolutely, not wanting to get involved in this conversation.

“Happiness is a human obsession. It has little meaning when you live forever. But I guess, by your definition, I am happy. I have Emmett. Who is more than I deserve.”

I looked away to hide my smile, but Rosalie didn’t notice as she continued talking, her beautiful golden eyes staring off into the distance.

“And of course, I have a family,” – she nodded towards Alice –“who love me more than my real human family ever did. So I have a lot to be happy for, I guess. But I will also never have a lot of the things that I want.”

“Like what?” I asked, in amazement that there was anything lacking from her perfect life. She was gorgeous. She had more money than I could even conceive of. She could literally do anything and everything. If she wasn’t the embodiment of perfection, then I didn’t know what was.

“Like having a family of my own,” she replied coldly looking back at me, fixing her startlingly direct gaze back at me again. “I’ll never have children. I’ll never age. I’m stuck in this moment in time forever. Never moving forward. Never getting better. Never getting worse. After a while, you’re just existing. You stop feeling. You stop caring. It’s not the same as living. It’s the same reason why you’re going to leave Edward.”

“I don’t know-“ I stopped myself before I finished what I said, because Alice looked up at me in the rearview mirror then, her eyes tinged with sadness. I had to stop lying. I needed to be brave enough to make the right choice for me.

“I envy you,” Rosalie said suddenly, her eyes turning glassy with unshed tears. “I wish I had your choice.” She rolled her eyes then as she turned to look at me, “See? I can’t even shed tears. We can’t shed tears. We have no fluid in us. So I want to cry, but I can’t. Do you know how hard that is? To never be able to fully express your emotions?”

Watching the raw pain and honesty in her beautiful face scared me for a moment. I had never seen someone quite so tormented.

“Oh don’t worry your pretty little head too much about me,” she said dismissively as she took a look at my face. “I’ll survive. And I guess, my human life didn’t do much for me either.”

Rosalie gave me a few quick details about her life before Carlisle turned her. My face fell as I realized how much this beautiful girl had suffered in her life. It made me feel shallow. Hollow. To have agonized so much over my petty problems in comparison.

“You’re really lucky, you know?” Rosalie said as she looked back at me. “You have a boy who loves you. Who will be good to you. Who will make you happy. You’ll have a normal life. With kids. With love. With progress. I don’t blame you for choosing that life. I would too.”

I nodded mutely, looking out the tinted windows, which made it seem much gloomier outside than I knew it actually was. I finally worked up the courage to ask, “Will Edward …”

“He’ll be fine,” Rosalie said with a shrug. “He was very unhappy this past year. But a year in our lives is like a drop in the bucket. You don’t have to worry about him. There are plenty of our kind who would be happy take your place in his heart.”

Alice frowned then, but she didn’t say anything. We had pulled up to the La Push border and we could see a Volkswagon Rabbit parked on the side of the road. I guess they were still observing the boundary treaty despite letting Carlisle come to help Jake.

Alice pulled over a good distance from the boundary line. I opened my mouth to thank her, but she slid out the door and slammed it shut behind her. I looked down with a sigh.

“She’ll get over it too,” Rosalie comforted me in a surprisingly soft voice. “She was just really hoping that you would … you know, join us.”

“I know. I never meant to hurt any of you,” I replied sadly feeling the pain hit me fresh again.

“I know,” Rosalie said with a half smile. “Good luck, Bella. I have a feeling I won’t be seeing you again.”

“I’ll need to talk to Edward. We never-“ but I didn’t finish, as Alice knocked on the window. “Bye, Rosalie.”

I slid out of the car and was standing next to Alice. I had forgotten how tiny she was. She was wearing flats today, which might have been a first, and she barely came up by my shoulder.

“Alice … please, I …” I reached out to touch her arm, which was cool under my fingers.

“I know,” she said with a sigh as she turned to pull me into a tight hug. “I was just hoping that …”

“I know, I was hoping too, but I just…”

“I know,” she said as she pulled away. “I told him not to leave last fall. I told him that he was overreacting. And that it would cost him. He wouldn’t believe then…”

“So you saw that this would happen?” I asked in surprise.

“Well, not this exactly,” Alice replied with a frown. “I didn’t know that the wolves created a black hole in my vision. I just knew that when he decided to leave last fall, that I could no longer see you anymore. I wasn’t sure what that meant. I even thought you might … do something to yourself … that’s why I tried to keep tabs on you.”

“I did a lot of stupid things,” I replied with a wry smile. “But luckily, I had someone to stop me from doing the really stupid things. You know how clumsy I am.”

Alice chuckled lightly, before she sobered up with a sigh. “So a werewolf, huh? That’s going to be hard to get used to. I’m not going to lie.”

I laughed a little. “I don’t know what the beef is between you guys. You seemed to work well together today.”

“We’re natural born enemies. It’s hard to get over that,” she replied with a shrug.

“Well it’s hard for you not to want to drink my blood, but you get over it,” I pointed out.

“Touché,” Alice replied with a half smile. She paused before continuing, “It’ll just take me some time.”

“Does this mean I’ll be seeing you again in the future?” I asked unable to keep the hopefulness out of my voice. Alice had been a good friend. One that I would dearly like to keep if possible.

“We’ll see. It may be complicated … with Edward … and with the Volturi,” Alice acknowledged. “So probably not on a regular basis. But maybe I can drop by from time to time.”

“I would like that,” I replied truthfully. “And please believe me, I am really sorry …”-I choked up again as my tears began to flow-“believe me, this is not how I wanted this to end. A year ago, if you had asked me, I would have … he was everything to me, but when left, I had to find a way to live again. And I did, and now I’m … I can’t go back. I’m not the same person anymore.”

“I understand,” Alice nodded another sad but gentle smile. “I’ll look after him.”

I nodded with a sad smile of my own. We hugged quickly. Then she slid back into the car and drove off, at lightning speed this time, and disappeared around the road in a blink of an eye.

← Chapter 28: Revelation      Chapter 30: Girl Talk - Part Two →

About Me

I'm a Twilight fan who believes that Jacob Black is better for Bella than Edward, so I wrote these Team Jacob fanfiction stories to try to convert as many people to my side as possible. :)

I've tried to stay as faithful to the original books as possible up through At the Cliffs, which is when I break off from canon and write out Eclipse the way I wish it had happened!

So ... what do you think? Good? Bad? Ideas for other stories?

Please let me know!

Jane

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